Jokes
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What's the difference between soundmen and government bonds?
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What's the difference between a dead soundman lying in the road and a dead squirrel lying in the road?
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Why should you limit intermissions to 20 minutes?
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What's the difference between a puppy and a promoter?
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Know how to make a million dollars in the sound business?
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How many soundmen does it take to change a light bulb?
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How many Lighting Directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
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How do you put a sparkle in a Promoters eye?
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What's the least used sentence in the English language?
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What do you say to a soundman in a three piece suit?
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What does it mean when the lead guitarist is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?
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for answer
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How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
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If you took all the agents in the world and laid them end to end ... ?
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How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
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How many roadies does is take to change a light bulb?
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What's the difference between God and a Monitor Engineer
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What do you call a soundman without a wife or girlfriend
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answer
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Why do soundmen have to be awake by eight o'clock
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What's the range of a cheap wireless microphone
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What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine
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Saint Peter was greeting people at the gates to Heaven. "What did you do on Earth" he asked one man. "I was a doctor." Saint Peter says, "Great, go right through the gates and on down the golden streets. Next! What did you do on Earth?" "I was a school teacher" said the next person. "Wonderful", said Saint Peter, "go right on through the Pearly Gates. Next! and what did you do on Earth?" "I was a soundman" Saint Peter said: "Go around the side, up the freight elevator and through the kitchen."
A soundman died and was met by an angel at the gates to heaven. "I've got good news and bad news", the angel said. "The good news is you get to do sound on the best equipment for the rest of eternity. You will never have to re-eq the room and no one will ever ask for more in the monitors. The bad news is St. Peter has a girlfriend and he thinks she can sing."
A soundman died and appeared in a vast room where every great rock and roll legend was getting ready to play. Janis Joplin was there singing duets with Elvis and Jimi Hendrix was tuning up in the corner. The soundman thought: "I get to do sound for these guys? I must be in heaven". Just then Karen Carpenter got on the drums and said: "One more time "Close To You" And a one, and a two ...."
A soundman came home very late and very drunk and claimed he had been at the newest club in town trying to land a gig with the band. The club was called the Golden Bar and everything in the place was golden. They had golden chairs and golden tables and they even had a golden urinal in the golden bathroom. Unsatisfied with his story the wife went looking for the Golden Bar the next day. She found it right where he said it would be and they had golden chairs and golden tables. She asked the bartender: "Is is true that you have a golden urinal in the golden bathroom?' He looked at her for a moment and then called over his shoulder:"Hey, Harry, I think we got a lead on the guy that threw up in your saxophone!"
The concert was a a huge venue and load-in was going well so the soundman stopped by the hospitality tent for some refreshment. After a short while he got up, went to the front of the tent, stuck his head out and shouted:"Green goes up!" and went back to his seat. After another few minutes he got up, stuck his head out and shouted: "Green goes up" and resumed his seat. The bartender watched all this and finally had to inquire. "Well you see", said the soundman, "I have a crew of roadies out there placing trees around the stage and every so often I have to remind them that the green part goes on the top."
A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when the drumming stops." At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he ask another native when the drumming will stop. the native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when drumming stops," he says, and hurries off. After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveler is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts " What happens when the drumming stops?!!" "Bass solo."
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